When Broken Glass Floats: Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge by Him Chanrithy

Author:Him, Chanrithy [Him, Chanrithy]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2001-04-16T16:00:00+00:00

9

Now I Know the Answer

Under the Khmer Rouge, reunions are precious but brief, appearing like a sudden summer shower that opens the sweet plumeria, and ending just as quickly. After Phnom Srais, children are sent back to villages to work with the adults, mostly mothers now, to clear woods and to weed fields for planting yams. The work site is within walking distance, perhaps two to three miles. But at least we are together again. We fall back into comfortable chores, gathering leaves to cook with rice and salt, going on forays for firewood or water. Back in Phnom Penh, we did household chores without thinking, and the conversation was casual—Chea talking about a history test or plans with her friends. Now we perform our daily tasks mostly in silence, lost in our private thoughts and afraid to look too far into the future. At night I lie on the floor of our hut and try to absorb the feeling of those I love held tight under one roof. The soft sounds of night breathing, a concerto of crickets, cicadas, and small frogs. I lock these things into my mind for safekeeping.

In weeks, Chea and Ra are gone, sent to another labor camp. The day the Khmer Rouge line them up I see them off, my feet dragging. I’ve learned to hate these good-byes, for with them comes the fear that I’ll never see them again. As they walk to join the end of the line, I’m shocked to see Aunt Rin also standing in line. My pretty aunt, her eyes flooded with tears, her body thin and pale. I say nothing but her name. She turns away, coping with her grief, her feelings so raw that she can’t face separation again. I let her be, praying for her to summon the strength and courage to fight and stay alive.

In a matter of minutes—too soon—the line begins moving. Before they leave, I want to say good-bye to Aunt Rin. I want to run and hug Chea and Ra, or even just hold their hand one last time, or call their name, but my tongue freezes. Only my eyes work. I search for Aunt Rin, watching her until I can see no more than her feet moving, fading between people before and behind her. Chea and Ra drift away, too.

Our family ebbs and flows like the tide. With one wave, Chea and Ra are gone, but Than returns from a labor camp, a relief to Mak. Again, Ry finds a refuge at the hospital Peth Preahneth Preah by pretending to be sick. It is a tricky gamble. By staying behind, she escapes possible death from exhaustion and labor, but she must be clever to avoid amoebic dysentery, grown rampant among patients at the hospital. The rest of the family—Mak, Avy, Map, and I—have to survive our own way, working in the woods since we’re not in the age group needed at the labor camp. Than does whatever the informants and village

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